Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Transcribed Selections from the Hospital Notebook #5

Because now I know, as specific as it all was, it wasn't just about him. It was also about me, and it was also about any broken soul that would enter my life.

But my heart is on the verge of being broken again, and this time I have no anchor... No protection... Only my self-soothing thoughts, my misinterpreted memories and a night of uninhibited decisions to thwart reality.

I feel lost, confused, and abandoned. I am frustrated and sad and unwilling to accept that my life will only have meaning in loss, pain, and heartache... Because only then will I know that I have loved. Loved sufficiently to offer healing and then be left on my own until the next broken one comes along.

And as they come and go, my broken heart grows... And each time there are more pieces to pick up, until a day will come when I fully admit that I cannot go through it all again.

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